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(This is totally fictional nonsense, just thought I'd mention that, so no one is offended by any of these horrid events)...
Hot Arabian bursts into flames, while under saddle. Fire officials claim it was spontaneous combustion.
Rider falls on head, horse suffers from whiplash.
Man bites horse, horse requires rabies vaccines.
Horse falls off of rider, and survives the fall. Rider claims he's tired of being stepped on, and quits due to pressure.
Horses stage protest at horse show, claiming the competition is "rigged".
Herd of horses purchase several gallons of Paint Remover, after bossy, obnoxious Paint mare moves into barn.
Horse gets head stuck between legs. The man riding her, said his voice went up 6 octaves.
Horse throws rider in manure pile, rider says he feels like shit.
Man sues horse, after horse snorts in his face. Man claims this was the final blow.
Man claims he is short on bucks, horse gives him a buck.
Rearing stallion gets the shaft. His whinny goes up six octaves.
Horses nose falls off, after nosy neighboring horse improperly adjusts her hackamore.
Horse swallows bit, wants restitution, even if it's only just a little bit.
Stud falls out of wall, injuring mare. (How the hell did he get in the wall, anyhow).
Foal flips over mares back, mare needs a hand....
Thirsty Foal falls into 5 gallon water bucket, mare comes to the rescue with garden hose.
Pony bites horses mane. Claims it was the main event of his week.
Spooking horse gets attacked by invisible monster, trips over invisible stump, and falls into invisible hole. Luckily, he only suffered minor invisible injuries.
Electric fence turns itself on. Don't you wish you could do that!!!!
Black mare bites white stallion. She claims it was racially motivated.
Circus donkey escapes from handler, and kicks elephant in the ass. Does this remind you of the last election?
Mare charges stallion with rape, claims the stallion carried a deadly a weapon concealed in a sheath.
Horse charges owner, charges are pending!!!
Team of Belgians in harness arrested for drive by shooting.
Horse gets gas, the station attendant is charged with colicing the horse.
Spooked horse charges gate, gate was already charged. Stay tune for more details.
Quarter horse sells for a buck. Owner charges fraud, saying it was only worth a quarter, and the buck busted his jaw.
Saddled horse sues Mc Donalds, after being refused service at the drive in window, yet they served a Clydesdale pulling a carriage. Mc Donalds officials say you MUST be driving.
Horse passes gas, So what? You do that every time you drive past a gas station.
Advertisement: Attention humans, Hey, you wanna be a horse? Come to the N.J. State Fair this weekend, and spend a day in my shoes.
Mare in heat, attacks mechanical stallion at Walmart.
Shetland stallion arrested for hijacking pony express, and running off with entire herd of mare ponies.
Horse wanting new shoes, walks into K-mart.
Announcement: Bridle party to be held this Sat. at PJ's Ranch. Be sure to wear your best bridle.
Pony kicks owner where it counts. Owner fails to count past two, before passing out.
Ten horses arrested for blocking entrance at glue factory.
Horse arrested for public streaking. It appears that the horse removed it's blanket, escaped from the farm, and ran wild in the streets.
Personals: Single Paint Mare (SPM) seeks available Paint stud. Non-smoker, non-drinker, non-hayburner, ages 6 to 14 preferred. Respond to #60382.
Horse charged with human abuse gets 5 years.
O.J. Stallion is found guilty of all charges.
Horse files federal complaint against the Marlboro Man, claims second hand smoke is causing blurred vision.
Horse charges at feed mill. His credit card was expired.
Advertisement: FREE lunge whip. Get it out of here fast, before my owner finds it.
Horse goes hoarse, from whinnying at apple tree for 24 hours, non-stop.
Horse makes history after eating 6 bales of hay in one hour.
Under age gelding arrested for public intoxication, after consuming 20 lbs. of fermented apples.
Percheron Mare gives birth to a an entire 40 horse hitch, in harness, attached to a show wagon. (Story courtesy of the "National Equiner").
Advertisement: Drink FOALgers coffee, the coffee that turns yearlings into race horses.
Warrants issued for Budweiser Clydesdale who refuses to drink Bud. Horse claims it is not draft beer.
Belgian stallion impregnates miniature horse mare. Details being withheld.
Christian Appaloosa gelding charges Arabian mare with harassment. Claiming the mare was teasing him, and forced him to have impure thoughts.
Welch pony charged as horse thief. It appears the cribbing pony chewed through the fence, and released an entire herd.
BLM Mustang stallion charges the U.S. Government for stealing his family. Seems the BLM took his mare, and foals, but not him. This case is pending in the Supreme Court.
Police horse found horsin' around in park with mare. The gelding pleaded no contest to all charges.
Saddlebred accused of carrot theft, pleads insanity. Only two of the fifty pounds of carrots are recovered.
Yearling eats rubber bit, than attacks car tires at mall.
Angry Palomino files petition to stop blond jokes.
Foal presses charges against his mother, after she accidentally steps on him.
Paso Fino sues farrier for gait removal.
Tennessee Walker claims she is not from Tennessee, and wants a new title.
Advertisement: Alpha mare seeks revenge on larger mare who takes control of pasture. The fight will be beamed to all barn TV sets this Sunday at 8:00 CST, via pay-per-view. Don't miss this one!
Blind horse sees again, after reading the "horse bible", claims it was a miracle. Officials stated it was actually his new eye glasses.
Two geldings in Utah applying for marriage license, are rejected. The state does not recognize gay marriages.
Family dispute ends in violence, after stallion runs mare into ditch. She told police that he intentionally tailed her, and made her collapse.
Public Service Announcement: A support group for recovering biters begins this Thursday, 6:30 at the Double U ranch. Admission is free, muzzles required.
Personals: Humanless horse seeks friendship with human. Prefers one with carrots and a saddle.
Horse monster found in plastic bag, under fence. Police were called in to investigate, at 3:00am, Friday. The monster is being held without bail.
Bridle breaks causing horse to plunge into river. Fortunately, the rider had an inflatable life boat in her saddlebags, because the horse could not swim.
Horse sues owner for attempted neglect, after owner comes to stable without carrots.
Horse claiming to represent the AQHA places highest bid at hay auction. Horse is later found to be a fraud. However, all hay had been consumed, before fraudulant horse was located. Police are investigating.
Carrot thief finally found at stable, after months of investigation. Name withheld until charges are filed.
Announcement: Moonlite and Spangles join hooves in holy matrimony, this Saturday, at the A+B stables. Reception open to the public, 12:00 noon. Bring your own hay.
Harness outruns horse at harness race. Horse spooks when harness drags him to the finish line.
Freshly gelded horse refuses to eat. His owner buys him two Horseballs, to cheer him up.
Vet determines that Warmblood horse actually has cold blood. A team of scientists are looking into the matter.
Shetland pony involved in head on collision at children's pony ride. Police report the pony reversed direction in the ring, colliding into the other seven ponies. The owner claims he trained the pony using reverse psychology. No one was injured, but the ring was demolished.
White Arabian mare claims white Arabian stallion in next stall, becomes a white unicorn after midnight. She claims he pokes her with his horn, every night. Her mental state is being evaluated.
A Quarter Horse lost his nickle, if anyone finds it, please contact the AQHA.
Appaloosa loses his spots. They were last seen when he went to pasture, on Saturday night, at the Triple Snort Ranch.
Quarter Horse couldn't stop his slide into a wall, Friday, at the fairgrounds. The wall now resembles Bill Clinton's face, after he inhaled....
A cutter cut the dirt at the track. His owner said he was very upset, and was going to cut a rug. He refused further comments.
Stallion colt rears up, trying to show off to older mares, loses his balance, and flips on his back. Later that day, he phones his vet to schedule a date to be gelded.
Horror strikes at the Bobbitt Farm. Alpha mare bites penis off of stallion. Bail is set at 20,000 apples.
Arabian steals halter from Belgian. During the interview, she admits her guilt, but states "she is tired of wearing those stupid arab halters". She is fined 20 carrots.
Haflinger breaks seventeen lead ropes in one week. His name will appear in the Guiness Book of Horse Records.
Horse saves owner from death, after intoxicated owner falls asleep at the reins, while galloping down the interstate. The well trained jumper leaps into an open stock trailer, barely clearing the cattle. She was awarded a medal of honor by the Sheriffs Dept.
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